To Write

The wonders of a pen are great.
There are many things it can do.
It always takes me to a place,
And gives me life anew.

I spend my time dreaming,
And writing it down in pen.
But it seems what I am dreaming,
Will never leave my head.

I must use the light to my advantage,
But the night has its own draw.
I cannot decide if I love it,
Even when I cannot see at all.

My thoughts, my thoughts,
They are twisting in my head.
And I certainly have a hard time
When I try to go to bed.

I should sleep with my pen in hand,
And my paper next to me.
So no matter what time of day,
I can write all I want to be.

Oh good heavens.
This really is so sweet.
Except when I have to rephrase it,
It isn't just as neat.

The House

The house knows more than the neighbors do,

So they watch it moan and groan.

Only from the sky would it appear to be a nice place.

But anyone who gets closer knows the opposite is true.

It used to hold such beauty, it used to shine with hope.

But the years of loneliness has made it ever so gloomy.

No one is thought to live there, yet she can still be heard.

Her voice is beautiful, but her cries overwhelm.

She does not cry for a lover, like many seem to think.
She cries for the complexity that has become her simple world.

Always in the sun and always in the moon, she is there.

But it is in the fog and rain that the house is full of still air.

It's Been Forever

Gosh. It's been like a century and a half since I've blogged anything. It's pitiful, really. But here I am, ready to express all that I know.

Life is complicated.
This is something I've come to realize over, and over....and over again. I keep thinking that things will work themselves out, and I have complete confident that they will, but between now and the end, things are so complicated.
For instance, there are certain things you try not to get your hopes up over. You try not to look to the future too much, to guess what's going to happen, to assume happiness. This dilemma comes in all shapes and sizes. Guys, careers (ie books!), grades, religion, friends. It's all complicated and they all come with their own hopes and dreams. I love being in charge of my emotions. I like the idea that I know what's coming around the river bend. I love being able to plan my life (or so I say). So the idea that my hopes take me off to a place I know I should never be is completely frustrating to me. I suppose though, if I really had the choice to plan my whole life, I would opt out. I don't like predictability, which I know conflicts with my previous statements, but really, repetition is obnoxious. I dislike routines. So what do I want? Spontaneous planning. Is there even such a thing?

People are complicated.
I keep trying to figure people out. Perhaps that's why I'm a psychology major. But I've come to a conclusion, I cannot, have not, and never will be able to understand people. They pretend they hate you, just because they like you. They pretend to like you, just to use you. They pretend to hate you, and actually do, but you don't know it. They pretend to like you, genuinely, and yet you second guess it. Why are relationships so complex? It's because of distrust and fear of failure. But, again to contradict, no risk, no gain. But why so much heartache??

But it will really be just fine.
I truly believe that. I have this amazing theory-amazing because so far it's worked- that my life will always just work itself out. It might not go the way I thought, or as smoothly as I wished, or even to the right destination, but it always works itself out! That, I'm convinced, is due entirely to a stronger power who likes me, and I appreciate that. I have this really amazing friend and she tries to look on the bright side of things. She tries to be positive. She tries to focus on the good, instead of the bad. Now I must say, she's quite fantastic at it and I should take a lesson from her. What a happy life that would be. Now even she admits it's hard, and not always can anyone be successful in such a tough situation, but man. If everyone was positive, then what a wonderful world it would be. How cliche.